You know what?

Here are a few things you can do to make yourself sound like a total douche:

1. In your "about me" on your blog, list your location ending with: Earth, Milky Way

2. Use "not!" unironically

3. Remote lock your car so it beeps seemingly on its own as an unsuspecting pedestrian walks by. How exactly is it more convenient to pivot, point and shoot than just hit the frikking lock button on your way out of the car?

Huh, I'm kind of surprised that's all I can think of right now.  Do you have any "you might be a douchebag if..." ?