TMI alert: a story about pee

I signed up for google reader, which seems to work for most of the sites I hit everyday. That's good, but since I have to surf for those last few, I end up surfing random junk again too. Boo that!

So, I'm on a urinary tract quest for health. Oh whops, : WARNING! TMI!

So, like 10 days ago I get the painful pee thing going on. I decide, in my infinite wisdom do start forcing cranberry juice (the real stuff, no cocktail for me!) and drinking diluted doses of apple cider vinegar. I'm taking vinegar baths everyday and deciding that I will home remedy this thing into the past! What it comes down to, is I'm willing to do horrible things to myself to avoid the "inconvenience" of getting actual help. This happens in all corners of my life, which is why, for absolutely no reason, I am still wearing scratched-to-hell glasses genuinely held together by tape. I just haven't quite made it down to Hakim, you know? 

Anyway, after 4 days of this self treatment, I decide that fine, I'll sulk my way down to the clinic and get help. 

Surprise! My sample comes out clean! No infection. The pee is sent out for lab culture in case the dip missed something. The doc says, keep forcing cranberry. Fine, I can do that.

Meanwhile I'm consulting doctor google and finding that untreated UTI's (urinary tract infections) can migrate to your kidneys, cause a hospital stay and eff up your pee system for all time.

Two days pass, I decide to go back to the clinic with no changes. R comes with, and installs some interior van lights while I wait. Doc #2 says the pee sample is again totally clear, no infection. A visual exam by doctor Methuselah (is there a mandatory retire age? This dude actually told me that God intended for my body to take care of itself! I feel like this guy probably met God on the first go round on earth, you know? Aw, I kid). Anyhoo, I left with a prescription for a bladder specific painkiller that makes it look like I'm peeing pure iodine. 

He also says that I probably just have an irritation and forcing acidic fluids would be very bad.

Right. Oops!

Two days later again, no acidic fluids, still the same pain, I call the clinic about he lab pee. Aaaand, say it with me: all clear! 

Now I'm reading about how infections not treated can turn your fallopian tubes from twizzlers to super nibs, if you catch my meaning. I resolve that if I'm not better within 2 days, I'm going to the hospital, only a few blocks from my house.   

After a night of feverish dreams where I'm cancerous and never able to have kids, I decide that it's time for some freaking treatment. If you lost count, we should be around day 9 of every freaking pee feeling like someone punched me in the naughty bits. As Jennifer Lopez so eloquently put it: ENOUGH.

I went to the hospital. We discussed my issues and not quite common symptoms (they don't match common symptoms i.e. no river of fire (is this too much?)). We discuss how we'll check on the latest pee sample, but if negative I'll be in for kidney ultrasounds, an I should "bring a book" which is hospital code for "bring a frigging pillow". 

But...wait! My pee is cultured! I have cultured pee! With a spring in my step and daylight to burn, I skip to the pharmacy and chirpily ask for my personal white knight: antibiotics. [cue chorus of angels]. 

If I feel no difference by tomorrow, it's back to the hospital. So far things are pretty good...wish me luck!

 

And basically that's what I've been up to for the last week. Thinking about pee. 

Oh, except, the first time I went in to the clinic, I DID remember to get a perscription for massage. Oh benefits, I'm coming baby, I'm coming.